Humorous Christmas Poems | Humorous Christmas Lyrics

////Humorous Christmas Poems | Humorous Christmas Lyrics

Humorous Christmas Poems | Humorous Christmas Lyrics

Humorous Christmas poems and lyrics show us that children really haven’t changed. The first humorous Christmas poem gives us proof of that…and parents haven’t changed all that much either.

For added Christmas humor, visit Christmas Jokes and Riddles on Nana’s Corner.  Also, I’ve added 27 Poems About Christmas…some humorous Christmas poems, some nostalgic, plus don’t miss Animated Christmas Fun Lists | Poems, Songs, Movies for your Christmas celebrations.

3 Humorous Christmas Poems | Lyrics

Humorous Christmas Poems #1

Jest ‘Fore Christmas was written in the late 1800’s. How many times did our parents and grandparents remind us that Santa Claus was listening, that he was checking his list…finding out who’s been naughty or nice…. And we promised we wouldn’t sound like them. But yes, we do repeat the warning to our young children and grandchildren.

The Christmas poem, Jest ‘Fore Christmas by Eugene Field (1850-1895), is a humorous Christmas poem written from a young boy’s perspective knowing it is to his advantage to put his best behavior forward as he waits for Christmas to arrive. His advice to other children waiting for Christmas and all its goodies is “But, thinkin’ of the things yer ‘d like to see upon that tree, Jest ‘fore Christmas be as good as yer kin be!”

Jest ‘Fore Christmas

Father calls me William, sister calls me Will,
Mother calls me Willie, but the fellers call me Bill!
Mighty glad I ain’t a girl—ruther be a boy,
Without them sashes, curls, an’ things that ‘s worn by Fauntleroy!
Love to chawnk green apples an’ go swimmin’ in the lake—
Hate to take the castor-ile they give for bellyache!
‘Most all the time, the whole year round, there ain’t no flies on me,
But jest ‘fore Christmas I ‘m as good as I kin be!

Got a yeller dog named Sport, sick him on the cat;
First thing she knows she does n’t know where she is at!
Got a clipper sled, an’ when us kids goes out to slide,
‘Long comes the grocery cart, an’ we all hook a ride!
But sometimes when the grocery man is worrited an’ cross,
He reaches at us with his whip, an’ larrups up his hoss,
An’ then I laff an’ holler, “Oh, ye never teched me!”
But jest ‘fore Christmas I ‘m as good as I kin be!

Gran’ma says she hopes that when I git to be a man,
I ‘ll be a missionarer like her oldest brother, Dan,
As was et up by the cannibuls that lives in Ceylon’s Isle,
Where every prospeck pleases, an’ only man is vile!
But gran’ma she has never been to see a Wild West show,
Nor read the Life of Daniel Boone, or else I guess she ‘d know
That Buff’lo Bill an’ cowboys is good enough for me!
Excep’ jest ‘fore Christmas, when I ‘m good as I kin be!

And then old Sport he hangs around, so solemnlike an’ still,
His eyes they seem a-sayin’: “What’s the matter, little Bill?”
The old cat sneaks down off her perch an’ wonders what’s become
Of them two enemies of hern that used to make things hum!
But I am so perlite an’ tend so earnestly to biz,
That mother says to father: “How improved our Willie is!”
But father, havin’ been a boy hisself, suspicions me
When, jest ‘fore Christmas, I ‘m as good as I kin be!

For Christmas, with its lots an’ lots of candies, cakes, an’ toys,
Was made, they say, for proper kids an’ not for naughty boys;
So wash yer face an’ bresh yer hair, an’ mind yer p’s and q’s,
An’ don’t bust out yer pantaloons, and don’t wear out yer shoes;
Say “Yessum” to the ladies, and “Yessur” to the men,
An’ when they ‘s company, don’t pass yer plate for pie again;
But, thinkin’ of the things yer ‘d like to see upon that tree,
Jest ‘fore Christmas be as good as yer kin be!

Other childhood poems by Eugene Field are Wynken, Blynken and Nod, Little Boy Blue, The Duel (gingham dog and calico cat).

Humorous Christmas Poems #2 (Lyrics)

Do you have a humorous Christmas poem or song, like Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer.

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

by Elmo & Patsy

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believeShe’d been drinkin’ too much egg nog
And we’d begged her not to go
But she’d left her medication
So she stumbled out the door into the snowWhen they found her Christmas mornin’
At the scene of the attack
There were hoof prints on her forehead
And incriminatin’ Claus marks on her backGrandma got run over by a reindeer
Walkin’ home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believeNow were all so proud of Grandpa
He’s been takin’ this so well
See him in there watchin’ football
Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with cousin Belle

It’s not Christmas without Grandma
All the family’s dressed in black
And we just can’t help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walkin’ home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of pig
And a blue and silver candle
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma’s wig

I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walkin’ home from our house, Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!

Humorous Christmas Poems #3

A Visit from St. Nicholas

by Clement Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

About the Author:

Grandmother of 5 great kids, retired special ed high school teacher, married since 1972 to Poppy…loves spoiling the grands, crocheting for whomever I can and charities, reading, crafts, outdoors, and blogging.

One Comment

  1. Susan Adcox 2009/12/13 at 9:10 pm

    Isn’t it amazing that the same person who wrote the poignant and touching “Little Boy Blue” also wrote this rollicking poem? Here’s my favorite part:

    But I am so perlite an’ tend so earnestly to biz,
    That mother says to father: “How improved our Willie is!”
    But father, havin’ been a boy hisself, suspicions me
    When, jest ‘fore Christmas, I ‘m as good as I kin be!

    Some things never change, and little boys being full of mischief seems to be one of them!

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